Spiritual Development May 2018
The Importance of Good Communication
The power of good communication is often undervalued and underestimated. We can assume that people already know what we think they should, we think that its not necessary to communicate in advance, or we think that we have communicated adequately when in reality we haven’t. Everyone has experience the consequences of bad communication at some point, but what does the Bible have to say about our communication?
The Bible says that our words are powerful (Prov. 18:21; James 3:1-8), are valuable (Prov. 20:15; 25:11-14), and reflect our heart (Prov. 6:12; Matt. 12:34). It also gives instructions on how we are to communicate such as: set a guard over your lips (Ps. 141:3), your lips should offer up a sacrifice of praise (Heb. 13:15), speak encouragingly (Eph. 4:29), and bridle your tongue (James 1:26).
In Ephesians 4:25-32, Paul describes for his readers the ways that we should communicate with others around us. We can summarize these insights into four “rules” for communication. First, be honest (Eph. 4:25). We must speak everyday in order to be a functional part of society, but when we speak it must be truthful. We should avoid exaggeration, evasion, and half-truths, which are all types of falsehood that Paul assumes believers have put away. Earlier in this chapter (4:15), Paul says that when we speak truth it should be done lovingly. We should be concerned with what we say, how we say it, how much we say, and when we say it.
Second, keep current (Eph. 4:26-27). Solve each day’s problems quickly. When we fail to do this it: opens the way for resentment, hatred, and bitterness to take root; distorts previous problems; sets the stage for spiritual discouragement; and among married couples, it endangers sexual and relational intimacy that is good and necessary. As we strive to resolve current conflict we must ask: Do I have all the facts right? (Prov. 18:13), What is my reason for bringing this up? (Prov. 27:6), Have I dealt with my responsibility? (Matt. 7:1-5), Am I being loving? (Eph. 4:15), Is it timely (Prov. 15:23), and Have I asked the Lord for understanding? (Prov. 3:5)
Third, attack problems, not people (Eph. 4:29-30). Avoid harmful, corrupting words that tear down, bypass the conflict, and that grieve the Holy Spirit. Instead, use edifying words that build up, that deal with what the person says or does, and that help reach a solution. When there is relational discord, the goal should be restoration, not merely confrontation.
Fourth, act, don’t react (Eph. 4:31-32). In verse 31 Paul describes many reactions that must be put off completely such as: bitterness (the inability to treat someone as if they never hurt you), wrath (flaring outbursts of rage), anger (settled indignation of hostility that frequently seeks revenge), clamor (harsh contention and strife, public quarreling, brawling), slander (speech that injures, abusive speech), and malice (the desire to harm others or to see others suffer). In verse 32, Paul describe attitudes and actions we must put on to replace these reactions such as: kindness (benevolent, helpful, courteous), tenderhearted (compassionate, sympathetic), and forgiveness (to pass over an offense and to free the offender from the consequences of it—”just as God in Christ forgave you”).
Recommended Resource— Conscience by Andrew Naselli & J.D. Crowley
What do you do when you disagree with other Christians? How do you determine which convictions are negotiable and which are not? How do you get along with people who have different personal standards?
All of these questions have to do with the conscience. Yet there is hardly a more neglected topic among Christians. In this much needed book, the authors explore all thirty passages that deal with the conscience in the New Testament, showing how your conscience impacts virtually every area of your life, ministry, and missions. As you come to see your conscience as a gift from God and learn how to calibrate it under the Lordship of Christ, you will not only experience the freedom of a clear conscience but also discover how to lovingly interact with those who hold different convictions.